The Altitude Talks Podcast

Navigating Life's Beautiful Chaos: The Power of Letting Go and Embracing Harmony

• Alissa Duhon • Season 10 • Episode 1

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Discover the secrets to nurturing work-life harmony and the liberating art of letting go as I, Alissa Duhon, guide you through a transformative journey on Altitude Talks. 

   We'll tackle the complexities of shedding the weight of the past to make space for future joys and achievements. I promise you'll walk away with a fresh perspective on how releasing physical, mental, and emotional clutter can redefine your approach to life's challenges. From parting with long-held habits to embracing new chapters after significant life changes, our discussion is designed to inspire your own personal voyage of self-discovery and empowerment.

   Join us for heartfelt stories and powerful insights into embracing change, controlling the controllable, and releasing the quest for perfection to truly flourish. In sharing personal anecdotes and wisdom gleaned through experience, I'll show you how mindfulness can anchor us in the present, fostering patience, grace, and compassion in our daily lives. 

   Together, we'll examine the paradox of finding strength in surrender and the crucial role of self-care in a world that doesn't stop spinning. So tune in and equip yourself with the tools necessary to thrive amid the beautiful chaos of life.

Alissa Duhon:

Welcome to the Altitude Talks podcast, where we help you get back in the pilot seat of work and life. Learn helpful strategies for navigating the unpredictable twists and turns that come with the pursuit of happiness and work-life harmony. Here's your host seasoned success coach and applied positive psychology practitioner, Alissa Duhon.

Speaker 2:

Greetings everyone. Welcome to a new series of the Altitude Talks podcast. I'm your host, Alissa Duhon, founder and CEO of Alissa Avenue, and welcome back. I'm really excited and elated that we have been able to bring forth yet another set of wonderful podcast episodes for you. I'm so happy that you guys have been requesting for us to return and you've shared your feedback with us over the course of the last 60 days.

Speaker 2:

I do take some time away from podcasting often because I work with private clients. I travel as well for work and, of course, quality time ∓ap;ltexcuse me with my family is important. So when the seasons do change and opportunities present themselves for us to work with other people, I try to keep an open mind with that. But since there have been so many of you requesting a more consistent set of series when it comes to our podcasting, I said you know what, let's go for it. So we have the rest of 2024 mapped out for you. So surprise, I'm so excited and I thank you so much. I'm so humbled that many of you have been, you know, emailing or you send me messages on social media, or even when we see each other when I'm traveling and I attend some of your events or events that I've met past colleagues and things like that. You've shared with me how this has helped you. So I want to be a comforting voice. I strive to be someone who helps others to flourish in life and to help them navigate through some of the difficulties that most of us face while we are building and growing and cultivating in our work and also in our family. So thank you so much for staying with us this long and for always sharing your feedback and your honesty with us. It truly is humbling for me and I appreciate it so much. So, with that, I want to start this series like I start most series, and it's about letting go.

Speaker 2:

Oftentimes, when we start, when we hit the refresh button on any season, one of the biggest steps that we skip is to release old things and old stuff. It's like when you decide that you're going to clean out that big closet or the garage or something and we're like, okay, you know, we got to get in here and dig up some of this stuff. And one of the first things we do once we open up, you know, the door, we look around and we start to just kind of spot, some of the stuff that's all around, and in our minds we're calculating already what do we need to release, what do we need to let go of? Well, this is important for us to do in our lives as well, especially because of our mental health, and how important it is for us to create space in our minds, bodies and our spirit, and so creating space means that we have to surrender some things, we have to let go of some things so that we can clear up the clutter right and we can restore some of that space for the new things and for the things that matter most, and so this is one of those steps that I feel like would just be one of the greatest things that you can do right now is to sit down with yourself before you start anything and think about what happened, take a retrospective look at your life and work these past 30, 60, 90 days. I try not to recommend that you go any further back than that, unless, of course, you're receiving therapy or counseling, but this is just to look back on the recent time in your life and think about what you need to release and what you need to let go of, if you do discover that there are some things that are deeply rooted from a long time ago, then it's a good idea for you to write it out, journal about it and then sit down with someone and talk to them about it, because those things that are deeply rooted take a little bit more excavation work right, but right now with this task is we're going to keep it really simple. It's just thinking about what worked and what didn't work and then writing it out in your journal. Writing these things out, talking it out with the people you love, and learning to release it and let go. This is one of the biggest lessons. I believe that I and my husband and I were talking about this on our last trip. Uh, what we are absolutely learning again in this season and I'm not saying that you learn it and it's one and done right.

Speaker 2:

It absolutely resurfaces in different seasons of your life, but it's always different. It's like a renewed sense of understanding when it comes to letting go this particular time. Maybe it's something physical that you need to let go of. Maybe it's where you live. Maybe it's letting go of a friendship or someone in your life. My husband and I are reaching empty nest in that phase of life, and so letting go looks very different for us, and so we have to learn to let go of the need to try to hold on to things that used to be and the need to try to control everything, and then finding balance and harmony and what that looks like for us and discussing what that looks like and what it means for us in this season of life. And so for a lot of others, it could be that you've lost something or someone, and that takes a toll, of course, on a lot of us.

Speaker 2:

Grief is very, very real, and so we need a support system. We need to talk to someone as we're moving through grief, as we're moving through that experience. So letting go looks very different and releasing looks very different for other people who are going through this, and everybody's experiences with letting go is very different. It's not going to be the same, and sometimes there are things that you can release and some things you have to learn to live with. So I have an understanding of that too. But today we're just talking about those things that we know that we can release, and especially like it's bad thoughts, or it was a bad experience or an argument, or you know something that you just you know you're not going to get that thing fixed and you to to get rid of it. Perhaps maybe you've been hanging on to a friendship or a relationship that's just run its course and perhaps that's what you need to do Work on it and you've done everything, and then now it's just time to release it. So once you understand what that looks like for you and what you need to let go of and release, then you can finally say I have made room, I've created space in my life for something more.

Speaker 2:

We have a tendency to skip that step, as I said earlier, and then we pile on the new stuff, right, and then we feel cluttered, we feel smothered, we feel overwhelmed because there's more on top of the old stuff. And so this right here, this step right here, is really going to help you to refresh. So in the midst of, of course, our fast paced world and modern world, we have all this technology available to us now, which is supposed to be a blessing, but unfortunately doesn't it control us a lot? Yes, it does. I've seen people I know you've probably seen this every day, and some of us are guilty of it too. Our technology sort of controls us. When a chime or an alert or notification goes off, our eyes immediately dart to our devices. Or maybe we forgot it at home and we were driving, and then we will turn all the way back around and go get our device.

Speaker 2:

Yes, I'm guilty of it too, but in this, in the midst of all of that, in the midst of this modern world we live in, it can feel overwhelming to establish balance. It can seem impossible even. But discovering a healthy equilibrium between embracing the unpredictability of days and establishing an efficient routine that can bring some immense relief for you and it can also establish some satisfaction. So it all starts with you, by defining what balance means to you, what harmony looks like for you. And let me just say this while there are general definitions of balance, we understand that it can look different for each of us and it can shift depending on the stage of life you're experiencing. All right. So by seeking balance in a constructive way, you can achieve the peace of mind that you're seeking in this time, in present time in your life.

Speaker 2:

So I know I've read a lot of articles that say well, balance is a myth and everything like that. And if that's what you believe, then, of course, that's your belief. However, I do believe that if you define or redefine balance for yourself and you start to practice that, you'll find that there's a way for you to create that in your life without just kind of throwing it all away. And so to maintain a healthy balance between, of course, your professional life and your personal life, it's crucial to remain open-minded and embrace new ways of thinking and believing. Remaining open-minded and, of course, exercising self-control without being overly controlling, can also help. So we know that attempting to control everything can lead to more stress. It leads to more anxiety, since no one of us can predict what the future is going to look like right. We don't know from one day to another what's going to happen. So being overly controlling and trying to, you know, strong arm everything in your life can end up being counterproductive for you. That's why it all starts with you, which is a blessing in itself that we can say, that we can take back the authority in our lives and responsibility of our lives, and we can help ourselves restore peace of mind and restore our schedules and the direction that we want to go into, even in the midst of change, even while things are or you know, looking very, very different. They don't look from one season to another. Things are changing rapidly around us. There is still evidence of achieving balance within the midst of a storm.

Speaker 2:

I'm reminded of a story that I share with you guys all the time, probably every hurricane season, but I don't care, it's just something that I like to share. I remember one of our first experiences here. We live on the Gulf Coast, and living on the Gulf Coast means that you have to live with the possibility of a hurricane. In order for you to do that, you have to embrace the fact that at any moment during the season, you're going to have to pull out that disaster prep kit, you're going to have to mitigate your home, you're going to have to talk to your, your insurance provider, you're going to have to watch the weather a bit more than usual you may just have to evacuate, you know, and you may even experience some loss.

Speaker 2:

Our first big one, I remember my husband and I, my kids, were very little and we had I think it was probably five years into our marriage and we saw what Katrina did to New Orleans, which is a few hours away from us and then quickly, the people from New Orleans started to move into our area and we had to go out and help and our ministry was helping. Red Cross was here and we just embraced so many new people in our community because it was devastating what happened. But not soon after Hurricane Katrina hit them we were evacuating, not even two or three weeks later, because the devastation was so great. I often say that Rita was the forgotten hurricane. When it comes to mass media, you know they don't talk much about it, but our area was devastated by it and we actually were displaced for two weeks outside of our city and state. We had to stay in a hotel until we were able to come back, look, leave and you know, go back to the hotel and it it was. Um. During that time our loss wasn't as great, but our neighbors experienced great loss and the devastation of it. So, looking at that time, we learned very early.

Speaker 2:

We can't really control what happens around us. We can prepare, we can speak to professionals, we can learn more. There's knowledge and wisdom in the unpredictable as well. I just want to say that and just move forward with it. So when you want to achieve healthy balance. You have to know that unpredictability is a part of life and that releasing control is also a part of it.

Speaker 2:

I know how for a lot of people that may seem just scary, and I get it, but being overly controlling can end up just making you very, very frustrated. Now I'm not saying that we can't control how we react to things. Of course you should. Of course you should exercise your authority and responsibility for yourself. And what you can control what I mean is when we try to hold on to things that we know or try to keep things the same and we know it's just futile for us to try to do that. That can really be frustrating for you and then it can create excessive anxiety.

Speaker 2:

And some of my parents out there who have children who are moving into college or moving out of college and into life we've gone through seasons with our children and we know I have three children of my own they go through their own stages and phases of life and my husband and I are learning to parent adult children right, and so that can really get complicated and it's not the same when they were just toddlers and everything. So our parenting styles had to change and we had to release what we believed before because it didn't work in this season of life anymore, and so learning that and realizing that really truly helped us. Releasing actually helped us. It created some relief for us because now we were handing that authority over to them and saying, okay, now this is you, now it's you're. You're older and you should know what to do. You're going to, you know, run into some things and you may experience some disappointment, but we're here to support you and oftentimes, in different phases and stage of life with your older kids, you can't do anything. You shouldn't step in. You really want to just be a listening ear and then just you know saying, okay, we love you and we're here if you ever want to talk about it. Sometimes that's all you can do.

Speaker 2:

This happens too with you know, colleagues. Maybe you work alongside individuals who are making changes in their own lives and you don't want to see them go, or you don't want to see them. You know, you know change directions, especially if they're a key part of your team. But things happen and of course, you have to embrace that unpredictability and the idea that I'm going to lose some people every now and then. They have their own lives to live, and so change happens. So in this series, in this quarter, we're going to delve a little deeper into this and the art of redefining and establishing balance and learning to let go in order to lead a more fulfilling and contented life. Okay, so that's a big part of it.

Speaker 2:

So I also want to add that we all know that control is an illusion. It's the idea that you can dictate all of the outcomes throughout your life, and, of course, there are certain things that we can control. For example, if you're getting a license or a degree or you know some type of qualification, for you know, to expand in your professional life, or something like that, you can control the level of study you put in or the level of practice you put in for testing, for the process right, and that's in your hands. That's in your hands, but not everything is that simple, though, and most things in life are inherently unpredictable. So the more you cling to the illusion of trying to hold on and keep things the same and control everything, the more stressed out I believe we become and the more frustrated and disappointed we feel when things don't go the way we believe they should. So you want to accept that there are limits to what you can control. It doesn't make you weak. It doesn't make you a bad boss or a bad colleague or a bad parent or a bad spouse. It just means that you're human in that this, in this particular season or time or situation, you have to release because you really can't control it. And even when it comes to people closest to you and closest to us and things we care a lot about, we have to understand that we can't control everything. And that's okay, that's okay. It's okay to release it. Another thing is, during this season, you're going to learn some ways to embrace the uncertainty. Some of the beauty of life lies in its unpredictability.

Speaker 2:

I remember, during that same hurricane season, for that same hurricane, in the midst of all of the chaos and we were displaced, our families were displaced, we had to pull over, sleep in the car and we found this really small hotel and some contractors were traveling through and they were checking out. And we found this really small hotel and some contractors were traveling through and they were checking out and we were able to finally get a room. And I remember just feeling so helpless and then I said you know what? I can't just lie here and do nothing. I went to the lobby of that small hotel and there was some people in there who were from New Orleans and they were talking and they asked me where we were from and I shared and they were like oh, we have some people that you know to help them to get back home. I wanted to help them to reconnect with people that they love, because they shared that they hadn't talked to anybody for weeks. And so I started to share and I remember running upstairs to get my laptop. I ran back down and I started to print things for them and in the midst of that, in the midst of that uncertainty I didn't know what my home looked like, I didn't know where half of my family was at the time I found a sweet release in helping someone else. I felt so fulfilled in the midst of that and so embracing that uncertainty.

Speaker 2:

Some of the greatest moments of your life probably have come from out of nowhere, embracing that uncertain moment. You didn't know that that was going to happen, and then it made me feel really good about myself. It made me feel good that I could contribute something positive to someone else. So it might be a shift in your perspective and your belief system. It may be a new connection. It may be something, a lesson that you've learned that you didn't know you were going to be sharing with someone else, but it gives you the freedom to navigate a new situation with more grace and more patience and more compassion. So don't resist change and more compassion. So don't resist change, don't avoid unpredictability. Accept it and recognize there's a chance for wisdom, there's a chance for growth within it and there's a chance for sharing and for reconnecting in a way that you didn't before. There's some wonderful seed in those uncertain moments that you would not have otherwise been able to gather had you not experienced it. So embrace that uncertainty.

Speaker 2:

Another thing is cultivating mindfulness in these moments. Mindfulness is a useful tool and a powerful one in our journeys of life to let go and find balance. So by cultivating a level of mindfulness, you are detaching yourself from the desperate need to control everything and you focus on the present. You focus on peace and finding peace in the moment. And that's what I did. I stopped thinking about myself and what was going on with my own home and what's happening with everybody, and what was going to happen two weeks from there, and what was going to happen and I just stopped in the moment and I started to pay attention to those in my present and the moment and I thanked God for today's grace in that moment and I found peace in that moment by sharing and enjoying the clarity in that moment. So enjoy clarity in the here and now Instead of getting caught up in the past or obsessing about the future.

Speaker 2:

Oftentimes, all you can do is what the song says stand. Stand is being present in that moment and understanding that you've done everything. You've done everything. Why sit here and worry? Why try to obsess over tomorrow or next week or next month? Right now is what I'm given, and embrace that. It's a blessing. Now is a blessing. It's something that we have control over the now and the moment, and sometimes we don't even realize it because we're living in our heads about something from before or something that happened that was silly, whatever. So learn to cultivate mindfulness too.

Speaker 2:

Identify your areas of control. As important as it is to understand how limited your control is, it's just as important to recognize your areas of control. So when you understand what you can control, like how you react, what you're thinking, where you exude your energy, what you're putting as a priority or priorities in your day. You can focus your efforts, you can focus your energy, you can focus your resources, you can allocate your resources better on those areas to maximize that control. So it also gives you a deep sense of empowerment, doesn't it? Without the added burden of managing something that's unmanageable.

Speaker 2:

So identify the areas that you can control in this season, in this moment, within this particular area or specific areas of your life, and work on that, and then you'll learn to maximize your control, because you know this is something that I do, that I can work with, I can work on. I may not be able to work on what someone else believes or thinks, or I may not be able to change someone's mind or whatever unpredictability comes, but this part here, these areas here, I can control. You can get up and say, well, I won't be able to control next week, but I can get up from here and go and exercise. I can get up and get organized, I can study now. I can go to work and try to make the money that I can make in this moment, even though my mind has me thinking about all the debt and all the things that are going on. But just thinking about the now can help you get grounded and it also places a foundation to begin from.

Speaker 2:

Some of us, we never really feel like we're gaining any momentum or ground because we're so busy thinking about all the stuff that we can't control. So thinking about where you are now and what your mind is doing, and taking every thought captive, is big right. That's one of my favorite scriptures. And realizing that you can control all the thoughts that are going on, you can stop them. You can stop the anger that's building up on the inside of you, or the frustration, and replace that. It may take some time. It may take some time. It may take some practice. That's okay, right, I still have to practice it. Over the course of many years that I've been doing this, I still have to practice how I feel and my emotional resilience and all of that. So doing that will help you to restore that empowerment within yourself and it helps you to realize, you know what. I can become a better manager of my personal and professional life by doing it this way.

Speaker 2:

The process, while some people think letting go is showing weakness oh my God. I was one of them and I have many clients who said there was so much that I had to unpack and release and it made me feel like the weakest person because, you know, oftentimes we won't get the justice that we seek or the apology that we seek. Right, people do as bad or say bad things, or they do things that disappoint you. You're going to experience that and often we're holding on to it, because we're holding on to the belief that at some point we're going to get the apology or we're going to get the justice for what was done to us, and for many of us it never comes. It never comes that understanding conversation, that apology, that compassion. And then you'll be surprised how many people move on and they've forgotten how bad they hurt you or disappointed you. They're in their own heads about something else, and so we feel weak, we feel like I can't believe, I'm letting this go, they're going to get away with that, and so we feel weak and honestly, you're not weak.

Speaker 2:

By letting go, you're restoring your power. Actually, you're restoring your power by releasing it. You're restoring you know what you can control, and so that's not showing weakness. The reality is, it's recognition that you are human, that you do have authority within yourself, and that that authority does not belong to them, it belongs to you, and sometimes you have to surrender to the process and let life do what it's going to do, without trying to control every single detail. You can't micromanage everything, so don't bother trying right Some things we have to delegate, some things we have to outsource. It doesn't make you weak. It doesn't make you weak to surrender some of that responsibility to others. If anything, it helps others to grow as well.

Speaker 2:

So remember in the process that you're not showing weakness because you're letting go. You're having to surrender, apologize to yourself and say, listen, I'm sorry for allowing this person to do this, whatever, and release it. Um, and treat yourself better and say you know what, put the responsibility where it goes and say, well, this person did this and don't blame yourself, but apologize for how much time you took thinking about it, because you could have been spending more time doing something else. And I'm not blaming you, you know what I mean. I'm just saying be more compassionate and fair with yourself and because when you think a thought, you're the first person to hear it and that can really, really impact you. If you're not careful with ruminating about that experience or that thing or going over it Every time you see that person's face. You're ready for retaliation or you're ready for some vengeance, right? So you want to release it, and oftentimes we need our support systems to help us through that. That's not weakness either.

Speaker 2:

Sometimes you do have to lean on someone, reach out for some help, have a conversation with a loved one or even with an expert right To help you through it. You've tried to do it yourself. You've tried to manage it all and cope, and you've kept your mouth closed about it. You've tried to be quiet, but there are moments where you do have to speak up and say I need some help here. I don't know where I need to go from here. So if there's any intervention that you can offer, I'm open to it. And that does not make you weak, it makes you wise. It makes you wise, okay.

Speaker 2:

And the last thing and I'm going to pick up from here in the next episode is the joy of imperfection. There are two big issues that plague us as human beings the need for control and perfectionism. And boy are they cousins. They go hand in hand. When you embrace imperfection, you're letting go of control, you're letting go of the idea that everything, every single detail, needs to be just so. You need to be flawless and you need to show up this way all the time and you free yourself from that unrealistic expectation that society places on you the pressure to show up like this every single time, and you find joy in the flaws, you find joy in those imperfections, and that's where you can flourish, that's where we really begin to flourish, when we start to realize that this is a part of my authenticity.

Speaker 2:

I don't speak as eloquently as anybody else, or my face doesn't look like that, or I don't walk and talk and my gifts are different, but that doesn't make you any less special. It doesn't make you any less valuable or worthless, right. In actuality, you can contribute something authentic and amazing and innovative because of the differences, because of your difference in perspective or the way you interpret something, and we have to embrace that or the way you interpret something, and we have to embrace that. It's why the flowers are so amazing, how different and how beautiful they are. It's why looking at a garden is so awesome, because you're looking at an array of different things that are growing. And so, looking at ourselves in that way, embracing what we would call imperfect, because somebody else might say I love that about you, right, but for us within ourselves.

Speaker 2:

We often put that pressure on ourselves to show up, especially especially during this time, because of social media. And let me just clarify this it's not just the kids who are suffering on social media. There are adults who are going through this. People who are showing up or their representatives are showing up on social media because they feel pressured to seem perfect and flawless and because everybody else is sharing their highlight reel. So I better not share anything else. I don't want anybody to see that I'm struggling or that my family's having problems or I'm having money issues or whatever, and we put all of that pressure on ourselves and what it does is it makes us even more unhappy. It really does.

Speaker 2:

So let me just close out by saying here at Alyssa Avenue, this is a sacred space. This is a safe space for you to be yourself. You don't have to show up as anybody else here. What I've created and the purpose behind it and why my why is to provide a sacred space and a safe space for individuals to be themselves, so they can cultivate their brilliance, so that they can share their gifts with others and also for them to flourish, and we need a very fortified environment for human beings like us to grow, allowing our creative spirits and our authenticity to just release it.

Speaker 2:

And a lot of us are pot bound. We're so bound in one specific area of our lives or another, or we're keeping our gifts hidden, or we don't want to get too out the box because somebody may judge us. And so a lot of us have so many things that we could be sharing or things that we could be creating, and we don't because we're afraid of judgment, and I understand that. But this is not that space. So, as you are here getting to know me if you're new here and coming back, if you've been with me for a very long time in my team, I want you to know that this is one space where you can just breathe, take off your shoes. We have a lot of tools and a lot of resources here that help you to do that. Not just about work management, but also your personal life, the things that you want to create and the way in which you want to show up in the world. Maybe you have something that you want to create, maybe you have an initiative that you want to begin and you want our help. This is the space where you can do that, and we have tools and experiences that will help you. We have masterclasses, we have our, of course, the Altitude Talks podcast, we have our blog, and then our store is also going to have an array of intervention tools and downloadable resources for you to begin right where you are Okay.

Speaker 2:

So I hope this has helped you I've missed you all and if it has, please jump on our social media platforms and share with us your story where you are, what nuggets you've taken from this, what you're going to work on and just take one thing. If you just take one thing out of this, just one, that's okay. It's going to a lot of times we try to consume a lot and we think we need to apply everything all at once when what you could do is just take one thing, and sometimes that one thing can be all the difference. It can make all the difference, and if you change one good thing, it will absolutely create a ripple effect in all the other areas of your life. All right. So thank you so much for being here. I'm humbled. I appreciate you being here.

Speaker 2:

For more information, please share. Actually, come over to AlyssaAvenuecom website and we're going to open up the comments, probably within the next 24 hours so that you can, you know, share with us under this episode, or come over to our Facebook page or we're on threads. We're also on Instagram and we'll look forward to connecting with you. And if you're new here, go ahead and jump on our newsletter list. We like to share resources and we don't want you to miss anything. Okay, thank you so much for being here. I look forward to connecting with you. See you on the next episode of the Altitude to miss anything? Okay, thank you so much for being here. I look forward to connecting with you. See you on the next episode of the Altitude Talks podcast. Bye.

Alissa Duhon:

Thanks for listening to Altitude Talks. Make sure to share the show and subscribe so you don't miss the next episode. Be sure to visit our online store and blog for more resources at alissaavenuecom store and blog for more resources at alissaavenuecom. Follow us on Facebook. At facebookcom, slash alissa avenue. And on instagramcom, slash alissa underscore avenue. Until next time.

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Alissa Duhon

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